One in a thousand

Quote
"Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.”  Yiddish Proverb

News

The release of Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit this week in exchange for 1,027 Palestinian prisoners

was hailed as a triumph by Hamas, who held Shalit and negotiated the terms of release.  It brings to 13,509 the number of Arab prisoners freed since 1957, in exchange for a total of 16 captured Israeli soldiers – which equates to a ratio of around 800 to one.

On the Israeli side, feelings were mixed.  Journalist Ari Shavit summed it up.  "There are many very good reasons to oppose the deal for the release of Shalit.  They include the fact that the deal is a surrender by Israel to terror; that it will spur Hamas... and empower extremists in the Arab world and in Palestine... And yet there is one decisive reason to support the deal: Israeli solidarity; without this feeling there is no meaning to our lives here."

The extraordinary terms of trade involved in the prisoner exchange indicate two widely different valuations of human life.  The Israelis sense of solidarity is so strong – of covenantal proportions – that they will pay far over the odds to release one of their own from captivity.  On the other side of the coin, though, is the implication that a Palestinian is worth just 1,000^th of an Israeli.  The danger is that this will be manifested in other ways in the complex politics of Israel/Palestine, and lead to further injustice.

Read on

The latest Cambridge Paper by Julian Rivers touches on the same underlying issues as it examines the new British equality law.  It contrasts the biblical concept of equality with the prevailing cultural approach which marginalises the genuine differences of conscience between people, which are essential to honest public debate.  You can read this insightful paper here. 

Walk the talk

How much do we allow notions of political correctness to stifle different expressions of belief or conscience in our office, home or school?  Might you do something to encourage more honest airing of different viewpoints, and hold back the tendency to mock or pass immediate judgment on others who don’t appear to be politically quite correct? 

The last word
From the Bible, Galatians chapter 3:28 “In [Jesus] the distinctions between Jew and Gentile, slave and free man, male and female, disappear; you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Steve Jobs and the fruit of Apple

Quote
"3 Apples changed the world: 1st one seduced Eve, 2nd fell on Newton and the 3rd was offered to the world half bitten by Steve Jobs."  Posted on Twitter, 6^th October.

News

The untimely death of the digital generation’s maverick leader, Steve Jobs, is mourned all round the world by fans of his innovative genius.  Since Jobs took back the helm of the Apple Corporation in 1997, millions of people have become owners of iPhones, iPods and iPads, as well as the latest Mac computers.

Under Jobs’ leadership, Apple’s products have become iconic.  They combine cutting edge technology, style and ease of use with a brand that embodies the freedom and individualism of the postmodern world.  ‘iProducts’ are at the heart of the explosion of the internet, the mobile phone industry, and affordable laptops which have created a digital generation connected across every continent. 

Social networking (which includes texting and email along with social network platforms such as Facebook and Twitter) has brought unimaginable changes to the number of people we stay connected with, as well as the speed and convenience of getting in touch.

But there are downsides of this technological revolution, especially the way it can change the quality and nature of our relationships.  As more and more communication is done via a smart phone or laptop, it can weaken people’s ability to communicate and relate to others face to face.  Also, maintaining more relationships means less time is available for each one.

Paradoxically, the technology which enables us to be ‘better connected’ can prevent us from engaging in real-time relationships; the convenience of being contactable at all times can become the burden of constant availability; and the ease of texting what we think and feel can weaken our face to face social skills and our ability to resolve conflict.

So let us celebrate new technologies and learn to use them, but beware of captivation by their beguiling possibilities and subtle demands. 

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MIT researcher Sherry Turkle recently published a book called “Alone in the crowd”, about how social networking is eroding our ability to live comfortably offline.  Read a summary of her challenging findings with respect to intimacy, boundaries, conversational ability and other issues here.

Walk the talk

It is easy to be guilty of ‘presenteeism’ (being physically present but mentally or emotionally absent) in our close relationships?  Texting at mealtimes, glancing at the TV when in conversation, or thinking about work when your child is reading to you all weaken relationships.  Is this a habit you need to change? 

The last word
From the Bible, Proverbs 18:24: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Cameras on the road to Damascus

Quote
“Knowledge is power” – attributed to Francis Bacon;

“A little knowledge is a dangerous thing” – attributed to Alexander Pope.

News

The US Ambassador to Syria was pelted with tomatoes and eggs yesterday as he met with an opposition leader in Damascus.  Pro-government supporters expressed anger towards the US Administration for comments which “encouraged armed groups to attack the Syrian security forces”. 

Earlier this week a BBC reporter was one of the few foreign journalists to be allowed into Syria since the protests began 6 months ago.  She has not found any members of the public willing to speak critically of the government on camera.  However, other Syrians are secretly filming incidents and uploading them to the internet.  “Our weapon is the camera” declared a young protester, “Our revolution must be live, on-line.” 

International reaction to the Syrian pro-democracy movement has been relatively muted, in part due to the complexity of Middle East politics.  However, the more that human rights abuses are exposed in Syria, the stronger the moral argument for intervention. 

The question is, how are moral judgments – and therefore relationships – influenced by information?  Control of the media is a vital strategy used by many authoritarian regimes in the Middle East and elsewhere, both to hide injustices and to silence opposition voices.  But that doesn’t mean that all unofficial videos are true and accurate either, for propaganda may be used by both sides; critical awareness is vital.

Moral judgments are easier the more black and white a situation appears, but people in public office must be careful to obtain accurate information before making judgments – even if it complicates the issue – as their decisions can have profound consequences on relationships.  Thus the news media have a tremendous responsibility to be accurate and impartial in their reporting, so people can make right judgments, and leaders conduct international relations with justice.

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A New York Times blog weaves together a variety of national and international news sources, including videos posted on the internet, to provide a more complete picture of what is happening around and behind news stories.  The entry about yesterday’s egg throwing incident can be read here.

Walk the talk

We often make moral judgments based on information from third parties.  Are there any situations where you would be wiser to gather more accurate and impartial information before making a decision, in order to reduce the risk of treating someone unjustly?

The last word
From the Bible, Proverbs 18:17 “The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”

Unemployment: whose problem?

Quote
“A man willing to work, and unable to find work, is perhaps the saddest sight that fortune's inequality exhibits under this sun.”  Thomas Carlyle

News

Public sector job cuts in Britain reached a new record, as 111,000 people were laid off between April and June.  Decisions to make people redundant are taken primarily on economic grounds, but the experience and impact of unemployment goes far beyond the economic realm.  Being out of work carries huge relational costs.  It puts stress on family and couple relationships through the loss of household income, uncertainty about the future, and in some cases from enforced role changes (e.g. when the woman works longer hours and the man has to carry more of the domestic and childcare work). 

The stigma of unemployment brings psychological pressure, causing to a loss of self-esteem, depression and even suicide.  In the long term it can lead to welfare dependency – particularly damaging for young people who are unable to build up their skills, or begin and provide for a family.  Unemployment is isolating, leaving people with neither work colleagues nor the funds to socialise with salaried friends.

At the community level, the gap between those in work and those out of work often creates social and political tensions.  When a major employer in a town goes out of business, it can decimate the whole community – which happened in many British mining towns in the 1980s.

Unemployment is generally viewed as a political and economic issue.  So governments ensure people receive financial help, and use fiscal measures to create jobs.  But from a relational perspective, what might be done differently? 

Arguably, the locus of responsibility and initiative could be shifted down to a more local level.  The less unemployment is treated as a problem for central government, the more responsive and adaptive the help can be to local conditions and personal circumstances.  City councils could develop initiatives to encourage people and businesses in the local community to share in the challenge of keeping people in work. Such relational responses to unemployment have the potential to reduce the gaps between those in and out of work, and build stronger community relationships as well.

Read on...

15 years ago, the Relationships Foundation set up Citylife (now renamed Allia) to pioneer Employment Bonds – a mechanism for people to invest in creating jobs in local communities.  An article in the Guardian tells the story; read it here.

Walk the talk

Unemployment is a nationwide problem, but is there some way that you can make a difference to just one unemployed person?  You may not be able to offer a job, but could you visit and encourage someone you know who is out of work, or volunteer with a local charity that teaches job skills to young people? 

The last word
From the Bible, Ecclesiastes 2:24 “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God”.

Response and relationships since 9/11

Quote
“Revenge is the easy way out, but it doesn’t do the vengeful person any good.  Revenge just perpetuates a cycle. I don’t want revenge, I want healing.”  Rachel North, survivor of the 7/7 bombings in London

News

The 10^th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks has filled much column space and air time in the media this week.  These range from personal recollections of people caught up in the horrific events of that cloudless morning, to debates on the outcomes of military intervention in Afghanistan and Iraq.

The invasions and regime change in these two countries were part of what George Bush dubbed the “war on terror”.  The 9/11 attacks were seen as security issues; only a military response could guarantee the safety of America and its Western allies.  This set the tone for the decade ahead.

How effective has that response been?  It has succeeded in preventing any further attacks on American soil, which was its foremost objective; however, Al Qaeda bombs have taken many more civilian lives in Bali, Madrid, London, Amman and other cities across the Middle East and Asia, especially in Iraq.

Major investments in security and surveillance technology at airports and borders have caught a number of would-be terrorists, but the average American or European does not feel much more secure than ten years ago.  In part this is due to the rise in fear and suspicion of Muslims in general, compounded by the way that military, religious and political issues have been conflated over the decade. 

What of the cost?  The post 9/11 wars in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq have cost 225,000 lives (of which 31,000 were military personnel and their contractors), and $4 trillion has been spent by America alone.  This is 100 times more than the $43.4 billion spent by the US on official development assistance to those three countries over the same period.

Every country has a right to defend itself, by force if necessary.  But the use of force over the long term to tackle underlying tension usually ends up exchanging one set of problems for another, and is hugely expensive in economic and relational terms.

Looking ahead, the threat of terrorism can be viewed as a security issue or a relational issue.  If the resources spent on trying to make the post 9/11 world safer could lean more on the relational side of the equation (e.g. educating people on the difference between moderate and radical Islam, promoting Christian-Muslim dialogue, or investing more in the development of some of the poorest Muslim countries), then a more sustainable peace could be built – between nations and between ordinary people alike.

Read on...

A panel discussion at Harvard on Tuesday agreed that the 10^th anniversary of 9/11 is an opportunity for the US to move away from a military-driven response to a policy built on “diplomacy, outreach and persuasion”.  Read a report on the discussion here.

Walk the talk

Using threats and even force at home or work can sometimes bring about compliance in the short term, but at the lasting expense of trust, respect and understanding.  Are there any on-going tensions that would benefit from patience and careful listening on your part?

The last word
From the Bible, Proverbs 15, verse 1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

After the riots, back to school

Quote
“The poor suffer twice at the rioter's hands. First, his destructive fury scars their neighbourhood; second, the atmosphere of accommodation and consent is changed to one of hostility and resentment.” President Lyndon B Johnson

News

As children and teenagers return from their school holidays in Britain, the riots in August will be a major topic of conversation.  The scenes of chaos and looting bring home the truth that a society which aspires to both freedom and security depends on ample amounts of both trust and self-restraint.  We commented on the relational aspects of trust in an earlier Friday Five; the flip side of trust is self-restraint.  This involves accepting that right and wrong exist in an absolute sense – it’s not just about getting caught – and choosing the right when the opportunity presents to do otherwise (such as a walking past the smashed window of a mobile phone shop, when others are helping themselves). 

Basic moral standards are formed for better or worse in children through parenting at home and the socialisation process in the community – especially at school, and in faith groups.  Values are both taught and caught, and good relationships are both the method by which those values are transmitted and the fruit which they produce.

This reinforces our conviction at Relationships Global that working to improve relationships in public and private life is not a ‘bolt-on extra’ – they are a fundamental part of any healthy society.  Good relationships, or at least functional ones, are taken for granted when all is well; but when decades of broken families and disrespect for authority erupt into scenes of looting and arson, then knee-jerk reactions about being harder on criminals are woefully inadequate.

On the BBC this morning, the Prime Minister spoke about the need for ‘tough love’ in dealing with those involved in the riots.  The government cannot legislate morality, however; their power is limited to indirect influences on attitudes and behaviour.  What is needed is a broad, grassroots movement committed, over the long haul, to recovering moral standards (here faith communities should take the lead) and rebuilding family and local community relationships in the real world. 

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The Chief Rabbi, Jonathan Sacks, has written a deeply reflective comment on the riots and points towards how social capital can be rebuilt, so as to ‘Reverse the decay of London undone’.  Read this excellent article here.

Walk the talk

Many of the youths convicted following the UK riots have grown up with absent fathers, and are gang members.  One of the greatest needs that all young people have is for real conversations with adults they respect.   Might you help meet that need for any children (perhaps your own!) who lack quality time with an adult? 

The last word
From the Bible, Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”