Quote
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
Leo Tolstoy
Leo Tolstoy
News
A recent newspaper report announced that the world’s largest website promoting infidelity had just opened in the UK. The founder of Ashley Madison said that over 7 million people around the world had used the site since 2001. He justified his approach by saying that people are going to cheat on their partners anyway, and he is just helping his customers do it more discreetly, and avoid certain pitfalls. “We’re living in an infidelity world; monogamy is dead,” confidently declared Canadian businessman Noel Biderman, who is behind the agency.
A recent newspaper report announced that the world’s largest website promoting infidelity had just opened in the UK. The founder of Ashley Madison said that over 7 million people around the world had used the site since 2001. He justified his approach by saying that people are going to cheat on their partners anyway, and he is just helping his customers do it more discreetly, and avoid certain pitfalls. “We’re living in an infidelity world; monogamy is dead,” confidently declared Canadian businessman Noel Biderman, who is behind the agency.
What does this say about the relational climate of our culture? Firstly it reflects the impact of individualism on relationships: our personal needs are paramount, and if these are not being met fully in our present relationship, then we feel entitled to look elsewhere – no matter the risk of causing tremendous pain to our partners, our children, our parents….
Secondly, in setting up a business to help people lie and cheat on their partners, Mr Biderman is normalising deceit and falsehood. But do those same people feel any less hurt or indignant when they are on the receiving end of such actions? Lastly, the apparent respectability of this website adds credibility to the notion that marriages will inevitably fail.
Affairs appear to offer freedom – from the constraints of commitment. Yet true freedom in relationships depends on trust and that in turn is nurtured by each partner being faithful and honouring their commitment to the other. The more couples seek to build that kind of freedom in their relationships, the less demand there will be for Mr Biderman’s sordid business.
Read on...
What is the state of marriage in Britain? Our colleagues at the Jubilee Centre produced an insightful resource, The UK Marriage Index 2009, providing a snapshot of the nation’s marital health – and what can be done to improve it. Read the short paper here www.jubilee-centre.org/uploaded/files/resource_336.pdf
Walk the talk
Hopefully the thought of infidelity is one you will rarely have to struggle with, but small daily choices can strengthen your relationship: kind words, a thoughtful action, an expression of affection, some undivided attention, or an unexpected gift. Which one could you do today for your spouse?.
The last word
From the Bible, Matthew 18, verse 7 is a sobering thought: "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!”
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