Friday 25 February 2011

Where friends are few, many may suffer

Quote
“Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.”  Winston Churchill, November 11th 1947.

 

News
As protests continue to destabilise Libya, analysts and commentators find it hard to predict how it will end.  The context of Libya is more extreme than neighbouring Tunisia to the west and Egypt to the east.  In the 40 years Colonel Gaddafi has been in power, he has banned all political opposition, weakened the army and other institutions, established local paramilitary councils, and built a personality cult.  Even more than in neighbouring countries, this has led to a lack of organised opposition, and Gaddafi’s demise would leave a power vacuum.

Although the Libyan leader began in 2003 to restore relations with the outside world, his maverick style has left him with no friends in the Arab world or elsewhere.  Only mercenaries from across the Sahara have come to his aid in recent days, as too few Libyans were willing to open fire on unarmed protesters.

This means that Gaddafi has nowhere to flee to, leaving his only option to try and hold on to power at all costs.  The tide of popular uprising spreading across the Arab world makes his overthrow almost inevitable – but it will probably be at great cost in protesters’ lives. 

One conclusion that political leaders should draw from this is the vital importance of personal friendships and mutual alliances, which serve multiple purposes: as well as providing national benefits in the form of trade and investment, they offer the possibility of greater personal accountability and course correction, and help to provide an exit strategy if things go badly wrong. 

What is true at the head of a state is also true in organisations – leaders can become tyrants.  We’re all aware of the stresses of leadership, and the danger that power may corrupt, but every society and organisation needs leadership.  The challenge is how to create or maintain an effective system of accountability – and so to avoid the infinitely more costly fight to be rid of a despotic leader that no one really wants.

Read on...
Chapter 7 of The Relational Manager by Michael Schluter and David Lee is about Relational Systems; it explores ways of bringing more relational accountability into organisations.  You can download the excerpt here.

Walk the talk
Leaders need accountability – no matter how talented, convincing, articulate or charismatic they are – for one reason alone: they are not infallible.  If you are leading an organisation, or working closely with such a leader, is there a danger that a lack of accountability might mean unwise decisions are left unchallenged?  If so, what steps might you take to increase accountability?

The last word
From the Bible, Proverbs 29:1 “Whoever remains stiff-necked after many rebukes will suddenly be destroyed – without remedy.”

Friday 18 February 2011

The King’s Speech: the power of effective relationships


Quote
“Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Speak properly, and in as few words as you can, but always plainly; for the end of speech is not ostentation, but to be understood.”  William Penn

 

News
The film portraying the relationship between King George VI and the unorthodox Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue, who helped him overcome his stammer, won seven BAFTA awards this week.  Writer David Seidler, who used to stutter as a boy, said it was remarkable that the dialogue-heavy film about “two men in a room” should have won such critical acclaim.

The growing relationship between the two characters illustrates the five essential factors for a strong and effective relationship: directness of communication is evident as the two men spent much time in face to face contact; continuity over time is ensured by their ability to reconcile after a major falling out; the breadth of knowledge of each other was enhanced by the King going to visit Logue in his home; there was parity in the relationship as they addressed each other by their first names, despite the immense difference in status; and lastly, there was a strong mutual purpose, in helping the King overcome his shyness and speech impediment.

The fruit of this relationship was that the King recovered his voice and self-confidence, helping him greatly to fulfil his duty as King and, through his radio speeches, provide a moral rallying point throughout the second world war.  

There are many unsung heroes in public service, such as Lionel Logue.  This film teaches us that the impact and effectiveness of individuals’ work can hinge greatly on their ability to form strong, enduring, mutually respectful relationships with the people they work with and for. 

Read on...
For a more full account of the five dimensions of Relational Proximity developed by the Relationships Foundation, you can download a three page summary here.

Walk the talk
The film shows the transformation of the King’s life once he found his voice and was able to express himself more confidently.  Is there someone in your workplace or neighbourhood who does not have a voice –because of a speech impediment perhaps, or because they have a low social status, or because they hardly speak English?  Why not take a little time to stop and listen to such a person, and in so doing encourage them that although they don’t have much of a voice, they still have something worthwhile to say?

The last word
From the Bible, 1 Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example… in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”


Friday Five is written by Jonathan Tame of Relationships Global www.relationshipsglobal.net

To subscribe or unsubscribe from this list, please send an email to fridayfive@relationshipsglobal.net

Friday 11 February 2011

Marriage Matters

Quote
“Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.” English Proverb

News
National Marriage Week from 7th-14th February provides an opportunity to take stock of the whole institution of marriage. Earlier this week, Ian Duncan-Smith, the UK Work and Pensions Secretary, announced that £30 million would be made available for marriage and couple relationship support.

It goes without saying that marriage is a relational issue, but contrary to popular opinion, it is not just a private matter between two individuals. Many more relationships are affected by a marriage, and its success or failure, than the two primary participants and their immediate family.

Family life is marked by seasons of interdependence; some bring joy and fulfilment, others stress and resentment. Up till the second world war, extended families in Britain provided most care and support for the young and old, the sick and bereaved, and those who had fallen on hard times. Local charitable and voluntary institutions stepped in where extended families failed. Only in the aftermath of the war did state involvement become institutionalised with the goal of providing “cradle to grave” support for all.

The vision of a welfare state was a welcome relief to both families and an economy decimated by the war, but it had the unintended consequence of weakening the vital role of extended families as the first institution providing care and support. Gradually family obligation and charitable responsibility were eclipsed by a mentality of welfare entitlement – underwritten by the taxpayer.

As the welfare state becomes economically unsustainable, the most viable alternative is to encourage and support the extended family once more (although it must be recognised that even if the spirit is willing, high costs of housing, transport and even food may limit people’s ability to take on more).

This will require more than policy adjustment – a deeper cultural change is needed. One thing is clear though: any move by the government to provide support to couple relationships, on which the strength of the extended family hinges, is a worthy social investment.

Read on...
The Relationships Foundation issued an annual update to their report into the cost of family breakdown to the UK taxpayer, estimating it at £41.7 billion every year. You can read the details here.

Walk the talk
The burden of caring for family members often ends up unequally shared. Is one of your siblings doing a lot more of the work in caring for an elderly parent, for example? Is there something you might do to share the burden more equally?

The last word
From the Bible, Galatians 6, verse 2: "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Friday 4 February 2011

Egypt: covenant, people power and peace

Quote
“Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon, which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.” Martin Luther King

News
The world is watching the unfolding events in Egypt with bated breath, as so much hinges on how the popular uprising against President Mubarak’s rule will come to an end. The BBC reports that Mubarak has three constituencies to deal with: the US-led international community, the armed forces and the Egyptian people, and that he has sought to appease them in that order.

As demonstrations emerge in several Middle-Eastern cities, a central question is what authority do the people have to change their government in countries without a mature democracy that includes regular elections, viable alternative leadership, and a tradition of peaceful transfer of power?

From a relational perspective, a nation is governed on the basis of covenant, whether that is stated explicitly or not. The legitimacy of government depends in part on the provision of justice, and maintenance of law and order. So when the security forces withdrew entirely from Egyptian cities last week, releasing violent prisoners and abandoning the streets to looters, they turned on its head the covenant to provide security and safety to the people.

Similarly, whenever protesters resort to violence, they violate the covenant to abide by the law and respect their fellow citizens’ lives and property.

The trust which holds any society together is rapidly ebbing away in Egypt. The challenge facing both demonstrators and government is to negotiate change without further violating the fundamental nature of the implicit covenant that binds them together. The extent to which this happens will determine how peaceful and just the transition will be.

Read on...
A study on the politics of ancient Israel by Nick Spencer summarises the multi-polar framework for authority (that includes the individual, the family, local communities etc.) in contrast to the bi-polar one of just the state and individuals; it forms chapter 3 of the Jubilee Centre booklet "Apolitical Animal", which you can download here.

Walk the talk
Consider the covenants that you are party to, perhaps as a husband or wife, as a parent, or part of a congregation. Why not take a few moments to consider how faithfully you are fulfilling your part in that covenant, and if there is anything you need to attend to?

The last word
From the Bible, Mark 10, verses 42-43: “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant”